im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
