My first STD was from a foam party
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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