fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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