I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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