it wasn't lemon gatorade
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
