I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
