can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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