My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
