I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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