I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
