my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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