We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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