You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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