On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
