I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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