I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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