everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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