she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
