My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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