His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
