im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
