Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
