someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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