Acid is not a monday night drug
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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