I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
