We got so high we made milksteak
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
