I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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