Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
