He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
