Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
