i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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