hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize