Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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