What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
