Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
