the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She's the barista slut.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
