I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
