i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
