I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
