what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
