While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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