I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
