I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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