that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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