You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
