Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
