Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We are all done wearing pants today
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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