OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My ATM looks so different sober.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
