Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
