Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
