Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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