If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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