Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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