When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
