Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
