Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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