What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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