I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
