I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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