Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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