Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
