I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
