Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
