we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Randomize
