In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
