I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
