Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
