toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
