I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
