I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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