my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
