I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
