looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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