Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize