Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
