what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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