o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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