MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
